Published on Parents.com
In these days of far-flung families and busy schedules, it’s often up to you to create your own traditions. As families move apart physically, they can sometimes leave the old traditions behind. Here’s how 9 families developed new rituals that bring them together.
My kids never loved camping the way I do. I practically had to force them at gunpoint to get them to go. But now, we’ve adopted a new twist on camping called geocaching, which involves using your GPS to find little treasures hidden by other geocache enthusiasts. We’ve discovered little places we would otherwise not know existed while on our camping trips and it’s an adventure we now enjoy together. A new family tradition is born!
Finding these new ways to bond with your family is particularly important today, because we live “in an age where we are growing ‘super children’ and sports and activities are taking precedence over family time,” says family therapist, Laura Doerflinger, MS, LMHC, of Kirkland, WA. “It’s important to create rituals and make family time together a priority. These activities aren’t just for fun. They work to keep the family bonded during crucial developmental stages in kids’ lives.” Holiday traditions also aid in “giving each family its own unique identity, based on family history, heritage, and religion.”
1. Find your Family Identity
According to family traditions expert, Meg Cox, Princeton, NJ, author of The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays and Everyday , creating new family traditions is a way to generate memories and experiences that children can share.
Cox says: Start with what your family identifies with the most. “If you’re a musical family, put on a holiday concert. If you’re an outdoorsy family, plan an annual rafting trip.”
2. A Birthday Party at Christmas
As much as we love religious holidays, they’re sometimes less meaningful to young children who don’t understand the significance of the event. That’s why every Christmas, the Skurtu family of Knoxville, TN, bakes a birthday cake for Jesus and sings “Happy Birthday” before blowing out the candles. “When the kids were younger it was an easy way for them to understand what Christmas was about. Now, it’s tradition and even as teenagers, they still insist on having a birthday cake.”
3. Happy Chinese New Year!
Sometimes new traditions spring from the merging of cultures. When the Doyle family, Farragut, TN, wanted their adopted Chinese-born daughters to better understand their roots, they started celebrating Chinese New Year (which occurs in February of each year). “This was a way to meet other Chinese families and involve our daughters in the celebration of who they are” says mom, Carolyn.
4. Two Holidays in One
It’s essential to let kids get involved whether it’s with the planning of each event, or the cooking, or the decorating, etc. Cox says the most successful traditions “develop when each family member feels like an integral part of the ritual”.
Brian and Jaimee Kelsey of Westport, CT observe both Christmas and Chanukah with their sons Carter and Russ by lighting the menorah and then going as a family to choose a “cut-your-own” Christmas tree. “This way we can share both of our religions with our boys. And they love being ‘in charge’ of lighting the candle and choosing the tree.”
5. "Bloch" Party
Traditions are especially helpful when it comes to creating friendships in a newly blended household, says Doerflinger. One way to initiate bonding is by planning an all-new tradition.
When Chad and Morgan Bloch of Chicago, IL got married and created an instant family of 5, they immediately began “Friday Bloch Party”. The kids decide the menu, do the cooking, and take turns choosing board games they play for the night. “The only rule is no complaining about the games chosen” says Morgan.
Doerflinger says game nights are the perfect opportunity to bring people together where kids also learn life skills such as group dynamics, negotiating, money management, etc. She does not recommend a “movie night” however, as this leaves little opportunity for interaction and bonding.
6.Extra Christmas
As families grow and move further away, it becomes increasingly difficult to carry on the time-honored family traditions.
Originally from Vermont, the Abbot Family moved to Landsdale, PA. As their 3 boys grew, it became almost impossible to cut out time during the holidays to visit with their Vermont relatives. The solution? “Extra Christmas”. The entire family gets together in Vermont in March so they can all be together, open gifts, put up a tree, and celebrate all over again. According to mom, Joyce, “Our kids look forward to Extra Christmas almost as much as ‘real’ Christmas!”
7. The Big-Boy Underpants Party
To make new traditions really personal, therapist Cox and her family focus on milestones. For instance, she regularly celebrates important events with a banner ritual. “For my son’s 3rd birthday, I painted symbolic icons on a banner made out of a bed sheet. One icon was a pair of big-boy underpants to celebrate that he was now potty-trained. He had to pass through the banner to get to his birthday gift.” When we cross thresholds in life, Cox says we need to mark them with a ritual so we can recognize that these are moments significant not just to us, but the whole family.
8. Post-Thanksgiving Football Brunch
With so many different households in one extended family, it can be tough to see them all for Thanksgiving. Jim McNulty and family of Gaithersburg, MD give relatives a second chance at getting together by hosting a morning-after brunch and football game. “After we fill our bellies… again, we take it outside to work off a few of those calories.”
9. The Creative Spirit
Halloween conjures up a family tradition for the LaPorte family. This family of artists makes the most of their favorite holiday by transforming their own Oak Park, IL home into a haunted house. Sons Max and Ben are in charge of scaring up their own rooms and their friends are invited to stay. “Instead of worrying about them knocking on strangers’ doors, we have the celebration at our house” says mom, Marcia. “It’s the safest way to enjoy Halloween. And all the neighborhood kids make our house the last stop so they can stay and get spooked.”
No comments:
Post a Comment